Ok so something happened with me. I am now inferior and not happy, I am existing in sadness, I am allowing myself to hate myself. And again I am looking for that happiness…..it is because I removed love! Awesome. I am facing the consequences of my actions…I am just worried about my life right now but there is absolutely nothing to worry about…I can write every day, it is incredibly fucking easy, I have been worried that I will not have time for love…for friends, for others. And within that I became sad I became worried about my life but I give this up. What happened was that I went to the job interview and it is exactly the same process as the DIP. I will become an agent for Primerica, which specialized in debt consolidation and then get commission for each person I `help` Now I do not know how exactly this will work, but not the point the point is that I am giving up myself my wants my love to make money and to get through this shit. I am pushing this point within me to go through this and step beyond my boundaries. I am facing my past within this moment. I have faced Zehrs within quitting I fell on the point of dishwashing again, and now I am facing the deception that I can control to get to a point of financial stability. I started this because this will provide me a bit more income to move around and it will be put towards an EMS. The cool thing is that I will be dealing with people about debt and credit situation which obviously revolves around money. My starting point is to not push anything onto these people, not to force myself onto them, but to help them deal with their money and show them that they do not need to accept this shit. So I am giving myself up to this and the only fear that I had and have was the fact that I am giving up most of my time to money so that I can use money to push for an EMS, right now I do have enough to donate money but this will easily provide the basis for an income to direct to an EMS. Again Love point. I felt like shit when I started writing this and now I know why…I still wanted that love and within looking at that I removed it within removing the veil I removed it. So it does not matter about my own happiness I am doing this to get this shit done in this life time. The idiotic thing within this job is that it all revolves around debt…and getting people out of debt. It is like dieting – the market only survives on failure – meaning that the dieting market will only prosper if people give up on diets and stay fat or if they fail and become fat. Same thing here that this company only prospers on the fact that people must have debt, and luckily this whole system is based on debt, The entire system is all indebted. I was feeling like shit because I was holding onto love for dear life, and I was not letting it go. I did not want to let it go. And now I have created my reality where I either hold onto it or let it go, and I am moving mysef to let love go….I look at it and would like to be poor and loved, then rich and without love, but either or it is still bullshit. The happiness that one has with money is bullshit, and the love that one has when poor is also bullshit. Looking at reality I am able to support real love within supporting and EMS, that is love. And to get rd of my own feelings for this is fine, I am doing what is best for me along the way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing love. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove love. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as love. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for love. This is now done and am directing my reality entirely based on what is best for all.
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