Reactions to believing myself to be effective or Ineffective

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to BELIEVE that I am being effective. When I posted on the forum to Stave trying to assist him I was very insecure with the words that I was using, I was thinking about whether or not my words are effective or not within/as assisting Stave,. I was worried that I would fuck with him or that I would be seen as other destonians as deceiving, I have had this reaction a lot. It comes from not trusting myself, I am not sure with my effectiveness of/as myself to assist and support another, so when I try and support someone I am very insecure and fearful that my words will be fucked up. So then when I believe my words to be effective and I trust my words I become happy, all of this shit must stop and I am stopping it. Creating happiness or sadness around my words stops me from seeing and living as my words. Like when I would feel the physical and be happy I make it something that it isn’t. This point is still supporting my ego of wanting to be good/special/significant/benevolent. I support my own ego with this, it is not the point that supports it it is me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support my ego in believing myself to be effective, thus supporting the idea that I am helpful/nice/positive/benevolent/good. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be benevolent/nice/good/happy/positive. I forgive myself that I have addicted myself to positive energy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to define myself as benevolent/good/positive for the idea that if I define it I become it and then I can forever be benevolent. What happens when I post something is I become happy in believing that I have supported the person with my words thus allowing myself to believe that I am supportive and have achieved my `goal`. Or I become worried that my words have been insufficient in supporting the other person, that I have not achieved my goal of helping another. So I have a want to help another…I am not going to try and help another until I know that I am stable in my movement, in my words, in my actions that I know that each and every movement I can do what is best for all within that moment. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do what is best for all in every moment. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider what is best for all in every moment. So I will not try to support another as it I am supporting my ego…If I know that I can through lived experience I will, If I am trying to for ego I will stop and remove myself from that situation. I still have the savior syndrome within me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a belief that if I can save people than I will be respected. I no longer accept this within me. I am breath, I am not a savior, I cannot save anyone they must do that for themselves. I can only support myself right now, I can only exist for myself.


AS well when I posted on Ingrid’s blog I got happy and excited and kept on replaying the words I wrote in my head supporting this belief of helping and supporting her with my words, believing that I can actually support another, and I am not longer `useless`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am useless if I cannot support another being. Within this I used an experience that I could relate and was happy and glad and excited that I could do so. Within this I become happy within the belief that I have assisted someone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I help people . I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that only the person can help themselves through insight. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am helping people with my words.I half assed this writing and do not think it is very effective in writing myself out. I will post this anyways,