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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Ego

Myself writing as Ego. I have noticed that I write as ego, that when Iwrite I see that I use the word I a lot….I am not writing ego out I am only supporting it by writing as it….That is what I believe lol, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write based on beliefs of who I am.


Ok so Through reading a short bit of my writing a sentence or two, I notice that the words that I use are egotistical, in the sense that I write through/as a belief of who I am and not as life as who I am. I am trying to convince myself or others that I am here for life within my writings…I am, but I am existing through a belief of me being here for life, not as a knowledge. I should be here for myself as life, I am here right now for other life. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do this process for myself as life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to `prove` that I am standing for life. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing my words be the proof that I am standing for life. In my words, It is all about a belief that I am ego. It is not coming from a starting point of self-honesty. I was writing to try and become something. I have been writing to try and achieve something, and this is all within/as ego. I think about a thought to write about before I write and that is how the ego comes out in my writing. It is interesting as I saw my writing as `negative` and something that is not supporting life. I was not supporting life with my writings, only sharing myself as ego. I was doing nothing but putting words down in a order of what I believed they should be in to promote an idea of myself…again. I am sure that this is why I have been fearing desteni members seeing my deceit, and why I have been fearing my posts. This had to come out in one way or another. Breathing while writing is how myself as life comes out. It seems as though that I cannot escape ego, as the starting point for this was Avery’s words and how he uses them in comparison to mine. Hmm I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my words with anothers. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myself as value within/as my own words. I judged myself on my own words. I judged them as being less than anothers words. My self as life in/as words should support life. I am still in the process of looking at all of my deceit. My words do not support life, as far as I can tell within them all of my words are me as ego. . “Within today I have been not caring a lot, I have not been feeling much, my breath application has fallen behind today as I have been escaping a lot from here as reality” lol now I do not see the ego. Here is Ego, “I fear being alone, I must face this though, and place myself being alone. I am going to place myself being alone and remove that last friend…I am thinking about Bernard’s words of the friend(s) that you see as good are your evil. I knew this before and have been reluctant to remove this friend from my life as I saw him as a `better` than the rest friend” that is the deceit that I am talking about. When I write there I am speculating about what I must do and something to support that belief of what I must do. I feel disgusted when I read that. I do not write supporting myself as life but as ego and what I `must` become. My starting point when writing was to create proof through writing and to support an idea of me. I forgive myselffor accepting and allowing myself to support and idea of myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an idea.

1 comment:

  1. i decided to stop using the 'boxes' to say 'cool' or 'interesting' as that leaves room for interpretation - i will rather push myself in commenting & participating more with the blogs we all share.
    gratefulness here.

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