Saturday, January 29, 2011

Reaction Towards Looking out for Only Myself and Not the group

Reaction towards Being a light-worker an agreeer and a knowledge person who Only cares about myself and not the entire group…

I must focus on me as life as all, and focus on what is best for ALL, Ok so now this point is relevant…Me focusing only on my life. My life is fucking fine!, I am rich, I have internet access I have food, I have everything that I need to live and more, yet I am still looking for more, wanting more money so that I can support myself better…For instance I am waiting until I have enough money to get internet, to support an EMS. I am waiting for me to have enough money, so that I can always have a basis of 3000 in my account out of fear of losing my job…which has become relevant right now, but nevermind. I am waiting to save money so that if anything happens I have a support so that I do not need to find money immediately..I will but I mean within the context of the exact moment. So I have been putting off and only saving for myself and not wanting to spend money at all, so that I can save to survive. Wow all ego, So If I have all that I need why not give now? I do not see any more point in collecting more and more and more money if I am not going to invest it and use it properly. So I have only been focusing on myself within my application of my money, that I do not give to others what I would like to receive which is consideration for myself as life. And I can invest in EMS and Desteni to give consideration to that life because I support something that does consider what is best for ALL. I am going to do this but I would not like to be so focused on myself…and not so full of myself, The problem is that I do not care about myself thus not caring about others.

I have only been focused on my own life, and how to establish a position for me that I am completely stable within as I fear the instability of this world…how it can drop out from you if you do not direct every moment. Just like now My might get laid off from my job that would provide benefits in 1 ½ years. So this was unpredictable and I am not back to again not being stable and worrying about the future of my income, and how to support myself effectively. I feel that I am too focused on my life and not myself as life, and trying to be grand in life, trying to make my life grand rather than living…the feel, I feel like I am doing an injustice to all that suffer by only focusing on my life, but I must place myself in a position that I can support others, and I must support myself first, so that I am able to support others, and to support myself first would to first focus on my life.

Still only focusing on myself and not the group, I am still focusing on ego and supporting myself as ego. Just like how I become happy within believing that I am effective and supportive within my application of myself. It is still about me, So I removed being happy through believing I am effective, I will share and not hope or wish my words to be effective or supportive, they may and may not, it is a learning process, as well that it does not matter, If I think I can help then I will. Not for happiness, not for myown beliefs but so that their experience becomes easier, or there is insight into it. Not for an energetic experience of myself….when This reaction occurs since I have written about it I have stopped it.

Reading Matti’s post on facebook, yes it is true that one has to make money to establish self appropriately within the world to support all life. I have not seen effort in me to look at the whole, there are times when I have and do look at the whole, but for the most part I have been focusing on me and worrying about my application and involved in ego. I see this because I have been writing and vlogging from ego, to support my belief of myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support/entertain a thought/belief of myself as being `good`. I focus majorly on my own life, and I rarely am caring about anyone elses, and seeing myself as better, trying to be better. I am still playing a game of popularity. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for focusing on my life, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on myself as ego. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support ego, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to all life living on this planet, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can only correct myself and that takes me looking at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write from the starting point of ego.

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