Politeness = Judgment, Supression

Since moving into this new environment, I have been limiting myself within expressing myself through existing as the `expression` of politeness. I have noticed that politeness is only a limitation as I have been limiting myself of expressing myself through my definition of politeness

What I have been doing within the want to be polite is that I have been keeping myself somewhat secluded, I have not asked questions, basically I have been `keeping myself out of the way` so that the others that live in this house will have their same experience.

It is a point of keeping myself so small and `out of the way` that it is like I do not exist. That is what I am attempting to achieve in fact, yet I have only seen this point now in this moment. I am attempting to become as small as possible = have as little effect on the environment as possible so that the experience of the other people that are here will be the `same` for them as they have been living together for their lives and I am `new` to this place.

Through existing within my definition of politeness I am limiting myself by attempting to not been seen or heard, or smelt even lol. In the first day that I was here I felt incredibly uncomfortable due to the `politeness` that I have been existing in, I felt uncomfortable because I was unsure of where to put all of my shit, and I did not want to `impose` myself onto the other people that are living here so I did not ask questions or assist myself through communicating points to the other people here, I kept myself quiet and I allowed myself to suppress myself through/within/as politeness.

When I started to set up my room I was unsure of where to put my stuff as some things of the person who was previously living here were still in here and I did not want to move that stuff around through/as politeness and through/as possession/ownershit,  not seeing the item (It me) for what it was = me as life here as substance in actuality. So I left it there and then moved myself and the shit that I carry with me and use around the item that I was defining as `not mine` and thus I have not `right` to touch it or move it.

At that time I was feeling very overwhelmed with things and was noticing that I was participating in the limitation of/as politeness so I stopped that in that moment and moved the shit that I carry around with me and use to where/how I wanted it to be placed.

Still though I have been limiting myself within my expansion of myself, through trying to make myself as small as can be and thus not `impose` myself onto the people here or this environment. Points that I have been limiting myself within have been hygiene, movement, sounds, placing things in places = taking power over the placement, and food. I have see now that I have been limiting my power as myself through/as expression and power of /as myself here through attempting to make myself as small as possible and attempting to exist like I don’t exist lolol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use politeness as an expression of me when in fact it is a limitation of me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear imposing myself onto other people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expanding myself within a new environment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that politeness is the best way to act when in `new company`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within being `polite`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do what is best for me = wash my clothes, place my hygiene products in the bathroom, or feed myself properly in any and every situation/environment that I place myself within
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself to extensively that I believe it to be polite to limit myself and to attempt to make myself as small as possible to not influence, impose myself onto people or the environment
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to express myself unconditionally, through/as living the word joy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself expressing myself unconditionally within as joy through existing within my definition of politeness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself locked in my room = enslaved, through wanting to not be heard and not be seen.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and call this `politeness`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay away from the people that live here as well when I move out of my room in attempts to keep myself unheard and unseen, but really judging myself.

When  I start to hide myself I look at what I am trying to hide and I look at what I am judging about it, and if need be I disconnect myself from it and stop attaching any ideas and beliefs unto the action I am doing or about to do. I breathe and simply place myself here as me in the physical, I look at myself ad only live for me. I do what I must and what is best for me. I do not allow myself to judge my actions before hand with projections about what/how I may be perceived. I breathe I do the action I move on.

Disabilities, Politeness and What is best for all

May 1^st 2011
I was at a doctors office a few days ago and there was this being in a wheel chair who looked like he had a severe form of cerebral palsy. 2 points arose within this and they are the fact of him being disabled and within an equality system will this be allowed as we should understand death, and the point of politeness because as I was `staring` my sister nudged me with an implied meaning of don’t stare as it is `rude`

I was observing this being in his physical form. He was in a wheelchair unable to communicate verbally with language, he was struggling with breathing every so often, and his physical movement was quite limited, he could move his arms although it seemed as he did not have directive control. This being is being kept alive in his current state and from my observations it seemed like he was suffering. His breathing was a struggle. Every so often he would convulse and his breathing would stop for a second and it seemed like he was trying to get breath into himself, and this happened about every 2 minutes or so. His father would periodically smack his lungs to try and `help` him breathe as his understanding.

So my question is should this being be kept alive in his current state? He is definitely suffering, unable to communicate his diabilities and only through the understanding of medicine are we able to `diagnose` hsi conditions and how to keep him alive. He was spitting up every so often so his airway through his mouth was being obstructed in some manner so he was definitely struggling to keep his breath steady and stable.

He is being kept alive most likely because his parents did not want to let him go so they keep him in this state of struggle to support their own wants of his life and having an offspring. Looking at his condition he is going to be completely dependant on others to support his life for his entire life. He will never be able to support himself under his own means, if he did not have parents the system that we currently live in would not support him very well, sure there are institutions to support his life but in the condition that this world is undergoing it is all limited to money, therefore if the institution does not have a steady flow of money going into it is will simply die and that being won’t be able to be supported.

In an equality system, we will most likely have more of an understanding of death. Death will not be a thing to fear, but an actuality of living. We will understand that a being must come from somewhere to inhabit the physical form to keep it alive, to keep it stable to keep it breathing. So keeping a being in a form that it must constantly suffer within should not be supported as it is abuse to keep that being alive, it is a literal form of torture. The being in his form will not be able to appropriately survive in the system under himself, so it must be understood that we must let him go in that form so that he may be re-birthed into another form, one that does not suffer.

This is certainly a controversial subject, as all euthanasia is. In an equality system, we will take what is best for all into account, so is it best for this being to be kept alive in his current physical form? Or is it best for him to give him another life here in the physical, one where he does not need to suffer or struggle to BREATHE!? It would be best to end his suffering, imagine having to struggle to breathe every 2 minutes, and struggling means having your breath stopped and convulsing and seizuring  to get it back, being unable to communicate under the language of the part of the world you are in, having to be supported constantly by another being. For me that would be a hell.

When we have an actual understanding of death suffering life will not be supported, it will be possible to end all suffering. A point came up of people may think I am thus saying kill all the suffering. That is not true, many beings suffer not because of their physical condition but because of a lack of money, and in an equality system, money will be distributed equally so that beings may be able to support their life. So some suffering is due to the accepted system we have imposed within/as ourselves, and other suffering is due to the physical form they are within.

The other point here is `politeness`. I was only observing this being in his form and what he is going through. I would see it as `rude` if I were to purposely not look at him, ignoring him. If I were to purposely not look at him and ignore him I would ignore the fact that he is life, I would thus be ignoring his life.

And we accept this ignorance as politeness, when really it is being rude as it is purposely ignoring this being as life and what he is going through, through not giving him our attention to his current state of life. This world is in reverse. In this situation `politeness` is actually being `rude` while being `rude` is not being `rude`.  So why is it polite to not stare? It is seen as it makes them feel less then, or embarrassed or ashamed. But that is not the intention of the being staring at all, usually. It is only to understand what he is going through. As a kid when you did stare, was it to judge them? Or was it to observe and understand? So being polite in not staring at people with disabilities is actually rude as you are not giving them attention to their life. Understanding what it would be like to go through this world in that body.

Investigate an Equal money system so we may realize that we are all equal and thus then create an Equality System in all aspects in this world. We have the possibilities here we must simply realize them.