Sharing my Life

Right now I am working 2 jobs that I do not really mind, I was getting very low hours and decided to switch positions to a facilities shift at the clothing store job, meaning that I clean the washrooms and floors. This position provides guaranteed hours which I like and need, and the work I enjoy as well I move at my own pace and there is absolutely no stress that I create. So that is one job the other is a grocery store job in which things have been rocky. I cannot get done much of the work that they ask me to do, and I feel worried about that believing that I need to get done everything that they ask or they will be frustrated with me. That job I have backchatted within a lot and the consequences are now coming out. They are required to cut hours, and that is what has been done…For the week of Feb 16 I have no hours. If that continues for 4 weeks I get laid off. So I have been directing that point and When I opened up my email I had a job offer from a kijiji add I posted a while ago, so that was perfect timing. I have options here. I can transfer from the one store that I am at to another store where I will get more hours, or I can follow this new job. This new job sounded cool where they are a business that helps middle-class families help allocate their monies, and I suppose sell products that help with that, They do not push their products they only want to help… which is really cool. So that is an opportunity. But the point is that having the grocery store job I will have benefits after another 1 ½ of working there and all of my medicines will be covered 100% which will be very helpful as I am not using some of the tools available because of the expense of them. I am wanting to keep the grocery store job and am going to look into switching stores as my clothing store job is in a mall that has the same grocery store so that could work out pretty well.


That is one point that is going on, another point that is semi-related is my family. I asked my sister to put a word in for me at her store as she works at the same grocery store that is in the mall that my clothing store job is in…fuck it I am going to name names. Clothing store = Old Navy, Grocery store = Zehrs. So I asked her to do that for me and told her that I am going in to talk with a manager from that Zehrs the next time I work at Old Navy, she said that that was not a good idea because they are busy and that I should not pester them…looking at those words she is hiding something, or has a different reason, as they are nto really busy because it is the beginning of the year and all stores are pretty slow. Her reaction most likely is coming from my response to my dad. He sent me a facebook message saying that a smile takes a lot less energy and muscle, and this had been continuing on for sometime….him saying that I need to smile more and that this world isn’t as bad as I say it is, and that there is love and such other positivities, to which I replied that this is unacceptable and that I am not going to smile because you want me to, just to give him some satisfaction of trying to keep me away from the shit in this world, as all parents do. So this whole point has been revolving around my family. My mother is cool with who I am and does not impose too much shit onto me, but my father and sister are one and the same, trying to get me to smile and stop being so `negative`, to which I have been saying fuck off recently to. So I laughed when my sister told me not to pester them because she has been preaching unconditional love and family love for quite a long time to me, and that I should love my family because they are my family. She shows no unconditional love in her trying to keep me away from her…that is most likely the reason, she will not want me working around her, and most likely does not want to see me. This point has been around since I started to participate in and watch desteni videos. My mother over time `gave` in and noticed that this was helping me. My mother gave in because I have been around her since I started, so she has been able to notice a change and since I have been living this now I am able to explain it better to her and talk easier about it. My Father and Sister are still held down by their belief of what desteni is and dislike me participating in it, because of their belief of what it is. So there has been a conflict within my family but slowly they are starting to accept me for what I am doing and not trying to impose anything on me and allowing me to express myself. Slowly they are starting to stop pushing their views onto me.

My physical life is easy, and my mental side is difficult. I was watching a interview from a being (not sure which who) through the portal, and they said that everyone will have an easy mental life and difficult physical life or the other way around to have that polarity of things. So my mental is what I have been dealing with for some time now, trying to figure everything out by thinking, which I have realized does not work, and that only breath can assist me In seeing clearly. I have been trying to figure out my life through thinking, so I have not been looking at the situation clearly, I have not been using common sense to see where I currently am within my participation in this world/system/life. The mental is what I have been focusing on, and trying to get through, as my physical position is enough to support me as life. My life at the moment is ok, I have been working through stress and emotions and feelings to get to me, for me to support me, and working on equalizing myself to the physical as me.

Change

Stand with me people. We are responsible for this world and everything that exists within it exists within us. We are killing ourselves, slowly. We are not taking responsibility for it. We are not responding to the current existence we stand in, we exist in. This existence right now is hell for a lot of people. Most likely not you, but for many others. We must stand for them, as ourselves. We must stop! People, we have been accepting abuse for too long. Abuse of everything! Stand with me to change this world. Stand with me to stop all abuse. You may question how but realize that the answer is within. It exists within thoughts it exists within actions, it exists within what we participate in. Rape for example, is all relative=relates to our sexual desires. We are sexual beings but to desire sex to the point of uncontrolling ourselves is abuse. To exist in that point of not being able to control our desires, our desires end up controlling us. Our desires thus end up controlling this world. What do you desire? I doubt many of you will ever stand to stop desires, so prove me wrong. Prove yourself wrong of not being able to stand up. Stand and be the living proof. Live yourself as proof of being able to stop desires. And show the world how to and share yourself with the world so that we may all learn. We can stop desires, people have quit drinking, smoking, masturbation, over eating, they have stopped drugs, they have found ways around this world that do not harm. It will be tough but even a little done by all turns out to be a lot, 1+1=2. Stand with me in removing desires. Stand with me for all live living in equal conditions. Time is all that we have right now, and the more we waste, the worse the situation gets. We are wasting away, not taking responsibility. We are wasting this world, creating so much garbage, that our words and actions have become what we value garbage as= worthless. Our words are worthless when we speak. When we speak about television or gossip, what is that worth in death I ask you? What matters in death of what we speak and have done. What does your `life` matter in death. Life in all matters in death. Our experiences don’t matter because they die when we die. We no longer experience. Others will still experience in our death, so I ask you, what would you want the experience of this world to be? One of starvation, of fear, of hate, of crime, of murder, of rape, of lies, of corruption, of destruction of nature, of self-interest, of judgment, of entertainment, of illness, of disease, of money, of lonliness, of separation from others, of a world with no empathy towards our neighbours as ourselves? Or do you want to change this world?


Start with yourself so others can listen and learn. Start with what you know to be inside of you to be abuse. We all know abuse exists in this world but we ignore it. We ignore it so that we cannot take responsibility for it. Stand with me. I do not care how many of you, me, us take heed to these words. If one reads this and stands with me we can add 1 for equality, for life, for a better life. Where do we start? With the application of ourselves. With what we participate in. With how we are. Start with self slowly so that you may learn of yourself. I do not want this world to exist the way it is currently for others to experience. So I stand. I stand in removing masturbation, indulgence, the use of drugs to escape, the wastefulness of time. It has been tough for me and I expect nothing more from you. It is what it is and if we continue to strive for a better world, and act on that, it will become. We cannot hope for we have been hoping for so damn long and nothing has changed. We cannot pray for it is the same thing. We must MOVE. We must become the world we want to live in. Then the world becomes us, as it is now but we are what the world is. Look at it! Look at yourself! Stop, and re-start, re-move yourself to better living conditions for all. Find out how to gain power. Find out what holds power. Find out how to use our power. My power I am expressing now is within words and actions.

Stand with me.

Paul William Quessy.