2012 Devoting time to Sex

I have recently done the 21 days without masturbation. What has occurred is that I have joined a dating site and have then been possessed with sex still. What has happened is that I have gone from the point of fascinating about having sex and masturbating to actively looking for sex. I am still in the sex system and the sex system is quite large. I looked at the point a few times and have agreed with myself that I am not ready for a relationship due to me not being stable emotionally and being a living example of self-direction, yet I continue to participate on the site and actively look for sex.

The point that I started off with in the 21 days of no masturbation was a realization of/as males and their view of the female. This occurred through watching the documentary at Stoppornculture.org and I suggest to any reading this, if you haven’t already, to check out that documentary. Watching that documentary allowed me to see porn from an outside perspective, meaning that when watching porn or becoming lustful and/or horny I become swept up in that experience and lose sight of reality, lose touch with reality and only focus more and more on stimulating the energy that I create from viewing a female, and watching the documentary allowed me to see past the lust/horniness. I saw that I was saying that the female body should be here for me, that it is for my viewing pleasure and that is it. That the female body is here to please me, which is fucking absurd, disgusting and degrading towards us both as life. The female body is here to express itself unconditionally, which unfortunately, has not been allowed as the female form has existed under so many conditions for quite a long time….Anyways stopping masturbating for 21 days has allowed me to calm the lust and horniness when it arises and deal with it effectively but the search and want for sex is still relevant within me shown through me participating on the dating site.

Daily I am looking at the site, hoping for messages, some socialization between me and a female that would hopefully in some way lead to sex = the same point as viewing porn, I am still caught up in the sex system and valuing sex over myself as life and still allowing myself to be directed with/through the desire for sex, which I have then allowed to compromise myself in my other responsibilities that I have to do throughout the day. Thus I am still controlled by sex and am still directing myself within the object of attaining the experience of sex.

Sex is a necessity but allowing my time to be directed through/as the want of sex is not cool as I am attempting to live out a desire forever searching, not allowing myself to be here with myself as breath, breathing in my body here. I am allowing myself to direct myself with energy which does not last very long, not allowing myself to direct myself with breath that lasts a lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place more importance on the desire for sex than on myself breathing here as life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself within lust and within the desire for sex allowing myself to be easily manipulated and controlled in/as the pursuit of sex
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brainwash myself telling myself that I must search for sex and giving into the ideals of/as sex and a relationship
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend a vast amount of time searching for someone to have sex with instead of participating with myself here as breath as life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself within/as the desire for a female
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to objectify the female body, allowing myself to separate myself from/as the female body/expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create energy out of viewing the female body only seeing women as an image
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself as an image, define myself as an image within/as the accepted societal definitions of/as attractive and or sexy in order to present myself to attain sex, not allowing myself to be here with/as myself breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value a relationship more than myself here as life, allowing my life to be directed within/as the want for a relationship/sex

I stop allowing myself to be directed through the want of sex and take direction of/as my own life within/through sticking to myself breathing here. I allow myself to move with myself first and foremost focusing on myself first and my self-satisfaction of/as myself first, stopping the want for a relationship as `comfort`. I apply myself in being comfortable with myself.

For the agreement course that desteni is offering, that will help with all relationship issues, visit http://desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships  this will be of much help for all of us who are walking these points. 

Sexomania

Sexomania is the word used to define the addiction to sex and the pandemic that it is becoming. According to reports 3-5% of the population are sexomaniacs, which are people that have uncontrollable desires to have sex and have issues directing their life due to the massive influence of sex on their lives. Frequently they have uncontrollable urges to have sex in which they compromise themselves completely, such as not drinking water or eating food to satisfy their urge for sex. Sexomaniacs fail to explain how the urge originates with detail only that they become sex obsessed and start to look for any and every way to fulfill their sexual desire. The term sexomaniac was previous used in a humorous context yet now it has become a legitimate mental illness which treatment is being given for.

We all have a sexual desire within ourselves, we all have the want for sex, yet within society we have deemed it as naughty as something that we must hide from others view, as something that we can be and are ashamed of. Society has defined sexuality as something that we must not be public about, and in turn we as individuals become ashamed of our sexuality and we start to not understand our sexuality due to the suppression of sex within/as culture/society, yet it still being such a large part of society/culture. The fact that sex and sexuality has become hidden in the background is a part of why we are becoming so sexually enslaved and controlled. Since it is being held in the background of society makes us want it more, as it is something that is us, yet we are living as if it is not us, meaning that sex is us yet we live out our daily lives as if it is not us, meaning that we all think about sex often enough, yet the point of/as those thoughts are not expressed in daily life, thus we lock ourselves in rooms and use the thoughts, ideas, and images to support our sexuality, which is damaging to us as sexuality.

Daily we go through our days with sexual thoughts, and sexual triggers on billboards, on commercials, in the media, in fashion, and since it is not acceptable for sexuality to be expressed in public we suppress these thoughts and desires, to a point where we end up acting out on them, to a point where we can no longer suppress the sexual desires, and we look to experience the thoughts and ideas we have in our heads, which leads to porn and the endless sub-categories within/as porn, and the one night stands which we attempt to live out the fantasies. How these thoughts are damaging is that no matter what they cannot be lived out in the physical reality. No matter how hard one tries to find the idea in their head in the physical reality, it will not occur, because we create an idea and an energy around that idea, with a fucked up sense of reality (the mind), then when we get to acting out those ideas in the physical reality and it does not match up with the idea and energy we have in our head, which can lead to the never ending search for that `perfect` sexual experience. The damage occurs from not being able to sexually express oneself effectively/correctly in the physical reality. The thoughts can build up to a never ending search for that idea of sex we hold in our heads and thus can lead to sexomania where our lives are consumed with a want to experience sex.

In 60-100AD, during the Roman empire, sex was publicly shown, there were paintings of sexual positions on walls in houses openly viewing to anyone who were to enter that house. They were comfortable with the fact that they have sex, it seems as they were far from attempting to hide the fact that they have sex. Only when it became suppressed did it become a problem or morality, guilt, shame, fear, embarrassment, desire, lust, etc. It became a problem because we all would like sex and are fearful about bringing it up in normal conversation, as it is `socially unacceptable`, and then we use our mind to create sexual fantasies that cannot `live up to` the physical reality, and then we get dislocated and separated from the physical reality. All of this leads to sexomania, so it is our environment and our accepted ways of society/culture that help influence the desire for sex, thus the solution is to change the environment/society/culture. We must again become open with the fact that we have sex and stop hiding it from one another as we all have sex and have sexual thoughts/experiences open it up and stop mystifying the act of sex allowing curiosity to reign and the sexual desires to reign over our life. 

To open up to ourselves about our sexuality helps as well as we stop mystifying it to ourselves and we begin to understand ourselves in terms of sexuality. This has become a massive issue for the world to deal with as it has been suppressed for quite a few centuries now and has lead to the massive pornography boom that we now see, it is time to open sexuality up to ourselves, stop hiding it in the background so that we can understand ourselves better and stop being controlled by the desire for sex. For more information of the control of ourselves through/as sex visit http://desteni.org