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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Feeling As Though I Am Not Ready Within Time


I am hesitating going to work. I find that me working the afternoon shift, I hesitate before working. While working the day shift I had no time to contemplate going to work, I got up did my shit, I had a schedule which is important to note, I followed my morning routine and then went to work, no questions, no thoughts just actions. I find that me working the afternoon shift I have time to contemplate going to work, I find that I am not managing my time as well, meaning my contemplation towards going to work stems from a consideration of what to do with my time before work. And I am finding that the thought comes up of `I do not have enough time`. So I must create a routine and a schedule so that I am able to use all of my time before work effectively. As right now I am not sure how to manage my time before work, and within this I am projecting not having enough time to do the things that I am wanting to do. So a schedule is a must and a sticking to that schedule is a must as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist creating and living by a schedule to manage my time effectively before work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my time a question of what to do with the time that I have before work
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stick to a schedule
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waver from a schedule that I have created to manage my time as effectively as possible
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about what to do with my time before work instead of doing what is necessary within the moments/time before I work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to contemplate about what I must/have to/want to do before work, and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to come to a decision on what I am/am not going to do before work allowing myself to leave my time `open` and thus allowing a questioning and a doubt of what to do with my time before work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to question what I shall do before work instead of coming to a complete decision
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to contemplate on what I should or should not give my attention within/as time towards throughout the time that I have to `spare` before work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must do things to stabilize myself before work, to get to a point whih I FEEL as if I am done and now am ready to go to work, when in fact my time is only my itme, when my time and my actions are not relative to how I `feel` towards being ready for work or not, I create my own readiness for work through/as taking responsibility for getting ready for work, and thus it is not about what I should or should not do before work but simply my preparedness for work.

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