Who am I at my Mother's?

May 22^nd 2011
Who am I at my Mother’s? About every weekend I will spend at my mother’s. While here I `fall` in the aspect of not writing myself out, blogging and I will watch videos and tv series on the internet here. At my home I will write more and at the library I will write more and participate in desteni much more, I will watch videos I will write I will participte more although this is slipping extensively.

While here as I am here at my mothers now I experience myself in a form of protection as growing up I had this `protection` revolving around money. That here I am supported so therefore I do not support myself I rely on support or believed support from my mother in terms of money. Here the internet is free, I have everything here I need as life to support myself for free...food, shower, shelter, internet in terms of being informed and keeping up to date on things as desteni and news all in one place so here I experience myself as comfortable. At home I must move myself physically around the city to get to places for all of these things, I do not have internet at home so I must move myself to go to a place that has internet, and while I am out I must either bring food or go out and buy food, I must continually travel to support myself while I am living at my house. While living at my house I have to continually move to maintain myself where here everything is in one place.

Here since this is all owned by my mother I experience a point of being able to let go and not need to support myself, which is bullshit, and I am not supporting myself unconditionally in every moment equally. I have before wanted to again just remove this point from my life but that is JUST a justification for not facing myself in letting myself go while here. It is a `knowing` that here I will be supported and that I have an opportunity to let go and not support myself in which I take that opportunity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not support myself equally in all environments
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself unconditionally
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on my environment to support myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to `give up` on myself when feeling comfortable
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am supported by something outside of me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that only I can support myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on others to support me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself in all ways always
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am supported by something outside of me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to move myself to support myself in all ways always
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the idea and belief of comfort and thus `relax` on myself within investigating myself within/as this feeling of comfort
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only support myself when I am at my house
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on being at my house to support myself within investigating myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore myself when feeling comfortable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore myself
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate, apply self forgiveness, apply self-honesty in all ways always
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself one and equal basing myself on my environment/feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on feelings to support myself

In each environment I stick to myself supporting myself not relying on my environment/feelings/ideas about myself to support myself. I commit myself to writing myself out daily and focusing simply on myself in what I am allowing within myself and within my world and commit myself to write myself out in what I am going through, apply self-honesty. While at my mother’s I look at the points in which I am not facing and the points of `giving up` through/as watching meaningless videos to support ego and `fun`