Desiring a cigarette and doing what is best for me

Mar 14th 2011 4:08pm


I got home from work a while ago made food and sat down to watch a movie. I allowed myself to give into this point, as I knew that writing would be a better choice to move upon. The movie was inglorious Bastards, and they were smoking quite often within the movie. I started to desire having a cigarette, and was struggling to move past it, I was not standing in that moment. I was not standing because I chose to not write, I chose to sit and stray away from myself here within breath. At a point where I was thinking about buying a pack, and there was an energy within my chest about to, I realized this point, got up got my book and started writing and within the decision to start writing I stopped wanting a cigarette because I no longer accepted myself to continue that pattern of giving up on myself through continuing to participate within watching the movie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stray away from myself

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize what is self-honest within my choices

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch a movie instead of writing myself out

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself with movies

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do what is best for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid doing what is best for me.

7:15pm

A relevant point here is that I was just skateboarding with friends and I would want to relate to them and I have done so in th past by giving up on stopping smoking. This time I realized that I do not want to be associated with them as they do not stand for life, they do not stand what is best for all. So it was easier for me to say no to that want to relate. I went skateboarding before writing myself out and placed that before doing what is best for me. Some forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put self-interest above doing what is best for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize skateboarding over writing myself out and placing myself here and doing what is best for me as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto friends

I realize what friends actually are now, they do not support one as life. Friends are there to support MCS and bullshit participation within/as life…if one accept and allow it

I realize that I do not want to relate to friends and that relating to friends now will be the death of me

I realize what is important for me to participate in and prioritize.

I stop allowing myself to participate in bullship friendships

I stand for life and stand with all who stand for life and do not stand with people who do not stand for life.