Responsibility and relation to sleeping

I have been struggling with sleeping for a while now and could not figure out what it was. I could not see past a certain point, I could not see past the physical point of it being comfortable and getting up would mean that I would have to remove the comfort. But I am constantly sleeping in because I do not want to take responsibility for myself, responsibility to get up and do what is necessary. This is obvious within my past writings but I did not want to see it. As soon as I saw it today I got up. So what happened was that I got home from work and felt tired and exhausted, I started to vlog but did not know what to vlog about, so I left it at that and decided to sleep, I `decided` to wake up after a bit to vlog but I did not take responsibility for this. I kept on sleeping, I allowed myself to wake up many times and then just fall back asleep, not wanting to get up and face the day face what I am responsible for in my reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep to not take responsibility for myself. Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid taking responsibility for my reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid taking responsibility for myself and my reality. This has been happening for a while now. Many times I have woken up to a mess of dishes that I did not do because I decided to sleep. I have abdicated many responsibilities because I allowed myself to sleep to escape them, I did not take responsibility because of sleep, I slept to not take responsibility. The thought that came up this night was that I made a pot of coffee before I went to sleep, and forgot about it, when I decide to sleep I decide to take all care out from me and forget everything that I am responsible for and become absolutely self-interested, through-out sleeping I remembered that I have made this pot of coffee, and I thought `shit this might cause a fire` then I thought that since I have slept this long and I am not on fire then I can sleep longer and not need to worry. This is dangerous. I could have jeopardized many lives if it caught fire, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self-interested. I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to jeopardize others lives, I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to not take responsibility for myself. I forgive myself for acceoting and allowing myself to escape facing my responsibilities. When I say responsibilities, I do mean response abilities, because I am not voicing a response, I can physically move as response to my responsibilities, and when I am sleeping I have not response, I do not move, I do not speak, I am responseless. As soon as I noticed that responsibility was the reason that I was sleeping I got up. I slept for 12 hours because time and time again I decided to sleep more because I did not want to get up and face what I had to do until I HAD to do something like work, I was not taking responsibility for writing myself out or vlogging. I jeopardized peoples lives for me not taking responsibility for myself. This is simply not going to continue….the only reason I felt tired in the first place was because I did not want to take responsibility for vlogging or blogging, and responsibility for walking to the library to post it. This not taking responsibility is not going to continue, I am getting myself up and keeping myself up and away from sleeping for the better part of a day rather than sleeping through the day hoping that someone will feed and clothe me. As I sleep I am not AWARE of anything, I am asleep, I am not here, I am lost in my mind, I am dead and when I wake up I mourn. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not taking responsibility. I am simply taking responsibility now. Simple. I am not allowing myself to sleep for long periods of time, I am going to get up when I need to and sleep when I NEED to. When I do not take responsibility I fantasize, I fantasize about anything, for the reason to not be Here, and move myself around what is here. I was just fantasizing about my art and how I enjoy it and wanting an artist to judge me on it so I would have a `valued` opinion, not allowing myself to be here and take responsibility for me typing this out.