I am fearful

Right now I am really fearful of and for myself. I am coming to the realization that I am going to die unaware and still wanting if I continue on my current path. I read the article that AIDS wrote and everything that Aids is there to manifest from = Jealously, Comparison, Judgement and Greed, I have within me and am allowing to exist within me. I fear letting it go because I fear who I will become without it. In every moment I see people as personality, not as life. Therefore I am seeing myself as personality and not life. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as personality.

After reading this and as well reading the transcription to the video "I want to find my own way" I am again fearful of myself in my application…It is justifiable to fear myself. Fear is separation. I am allowing myself to be controlled from fear, meaning that If I fear myself then I cannot be in control of myself meaning that I am giving up my control and power to fears, wants, desires, judgments, beliefs, perceptions, idea, thoughts, feelings, emotions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up my power as life to thoughts, feelings, perceptions, emotions, desires, wants, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, projections, definitions of myself. Within this right now in this moment I am scared of myself because I am manifesting my own death in every moment of dishonesty towards myself as life. Looking at the judgments, I see myself trying to participate in I want to do it my own way…How do I see this? I see this through myself judging others and placing myself in a perceived position of superiority…and within that I am saying fuck them, I will go on my own way. So there is ego there in absolution. Abnormal Solution? Judgment is an abnormal solution to inferiority. It is not dealing with the problem face to face. It is not facing the problem it is hiding within the problem away, in thoughts, in trying to project myself. I am still energetically controlled in thoughts…A thought occurs towards the Articles read. I reacted in fear and this is the reason why I am writing this here now. Out of fear, to take out the thread of fear. I looked at this and ofcourse this will disappear once the energy is used up once it disappears. I looked at this and applied breath to myself and stopped the fact that it will disappear. I cannot use a thought to create equality, as within thoughts, separation exists.

I want to be one who stands up for life, I want to be one who does not die from aids, I want to be one who will not fuck around with existence. Again out of wants and not self-honesty. I no longer accept this judgment of myself and fear of others as self. I no longer accept this want to be one who stands up for life. I am one who will stand up for life, and what is best for this world not through thoughts but through breath, and sound. I tend to think that I will apply myself, and within this I manifest an energy that makes me believe that I am effective. I no longer accept this I am here within breath.

I am fearful that I will not make it in this life and must die to become `effective`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my life.

Jealousy – I become jealous of people through an inferiority Construct. I am not this construct I am not this fear, I am life here, the power behind the construct giving allowance and acceptance to it. I do not accept myself believing that I am inferior. I remove the energy being placed and giving power to this construct. For an example that I must get out is inferiority to people who I believe to be`more` than I am within process. To be more effective than I am with their words. To be more effective in their stance in this world. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not apply myself effectively in this world. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ineffective with my words. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am inferior to others who use their words and self effectively. The point that I must get out in specificity is inferior to Ryan Franklin and Bella, as I see them as being effective in their words, and I become jealous of their application of thierselves, allowing myself to be ineffective in applying myself, wishing and hoping that I become effective instead of taking a stand for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for my effectiveness within and as my words. I only am able to this within breath here in every moment as I have programmed myself to judge myself in every other moment, within/as thoughts. I want to believe myself to be effective so at times I wil manifest thoughts believing that I am effective. Only when I read self-honest or hear self-honesty do I become aware of my self-deception. And within this I then become fearful of my application of myself as it is extensively deceptive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself by thinking that I am effective. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish and hope and pray and desire and want for myself to be effective. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish, hope, pray, desire, want myself to be like others that I see as effective.

Greed- I have become greedy in my wants and desires. This shows through my application within quitting smoking. I am greedy for happiness – for the energetics that come from happiness. If I buy myself something I gain happiness, within believing that I now have something to hold onto. I no longer accept my desire for happiness as it blinds me from being here in breath as life. Happiness is irrelevant to life here. There is no happiness in this life, no true happiness, no real happiness. Enjoyment can exist but not happiness. The happiness that I am greedy within is an energetic experience of myself within `having` something. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by my possessions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as my possessions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can possess something. I no longer accept the greed in me for it only allows me to not be here as life. I am not going to keep on existing like this, it is dishonest to myself as life. I am fearful that stopping this won't last, as I have in the past given power to mind continuously after I stand up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own application of myself. It is up to me to stand up in each moment not some beliefs or thought process, or state of mind. That is what I have been relying on in the past, some mind state that I become preceieved ably effective within. It is up to me to move myself and to not accept these dishonest movements, as well as stopping the judgment and jealousy, fears, beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, ideas, emotions feelings etc.

Comparison – These are all entwined together. I compare myself to others and within this I become jealous and judge myself. I compare myself to others within personality, and position in life and belief of perceived effectiveness, and it I see myself as inferior I become jealous of who they are. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be another person. I am not hesitating to write this out. I compare myself to others to gain a definition within polarity of myself = ego. Within better or worse than who I am looking at. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be better than another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as more or less than another. I no longer accepting myself as a definition of/as better or worse than another. I no longer accept the definition of myself within personality. I am matter, as we all are, We are all equal in matter and in matter we all equally matter. In personality it is a game of who I am. I no longer accept this game as myself in needing believing myself to need to be better than another. I no longer accept the game of trying to be a personality.

Thank you