Fearing a Post

I am fearful of my post being seen. I was on the forum and afraid to look at my post to see if anyone has commented on it yet. I was afraid because I was judging myself as inFEARior, as I had a lot of fear. I posted a vlog about an idea of how to start to move the world in a direction to our favour, at the time I thought that this was a good idea and that I want people to see me, I did not write this out then so here is stagnant energy coming through as fear. As well there is this whole persona of I have found the way…I know that I am in the direction that I must move in…all ideas and beliefs and thoughts. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am on the path to where I need to be, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of where I need to be. I forgivemyself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be somewhere. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold up an idea about myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I really am as deception. What just happened is that I was looking at the equality equation of my actions and noticed that it was completely done in ego. That if I were to continue this then I would not be open and honest in every moment. I am justifying it through beliefs. This is going to stop. I am not a benevolent being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and be a benevolent being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and be an idea of a benevolent being. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe in the moment and stop.

I see this thought process as a virus. It cannot continue. Within this belief of myself being a benevolent being I allowed myself to judge others harshly, I compared myself in trying to maintain the superiority. Again I did this because I was believing that I was on some path to being in the physical…not directing myself…and if I am on this path that I will continuously be on this path. So what happened when I looked at my post on the forum is that I completely feared being exposed in that moment, I had this idea of trying to climb into the computer to remove it…like no one can see this…but this is the epitome of what I have become. So all must see this and I must expose this. What I have become is trying to find ways to create a perception of myself as benevolent, and this has been coming through as ideas. Now when I posted this I was justifying it with the thought of this is a good idea. I was sitting in this thought and playing it over and over and over thus allowing myself to stimulate my ego.

I have just read the comment left be Adele and was trying to figure out whether “wow…” was meaning wow it was inspirational or wow that was delusional…both parts of a system. Those thoughts are only what I think. Looking at this I could have posted this and not thought a damn thing about it, but thinking about it being good and this idea being `good` only allowed me to exist as a system, thus having to go to the other end of the polarity. The starting point of posting this was of an idea…believing that idea to be `good`, and wanting to share this idea…I have defined myself by/as that idea and thus defining myself as good. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am good. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am good. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live as breath as the physical, as life, stopping all polarity of good and bad, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop all ideas of good and bad. It does not matter what this video is perceived as, this video is. It is no idea, it is neither good nor bad it is, It is myself showing myself....as well...now as I am about to post this, the video will have more of a chance to be seen and thus again I was both fearful, as well as hoping that it will be seen. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this video is bad...