Sunday, January 23, 2011

Daily Writing

Writing has assisted me immensely. Especially writing out one topic/point each day. Writing out my desire within cigarettes I was able to remove all wants and desires to have a cigarette. Each time I wrote a new article of cigarettes more points came up, so I could see more points and expand on more points each time I talked or wrote about myself within as desiring a cigarette. Through writing the point out like this I am able to see the point when desiring a cigarette, before I would only see and move on the fact that I was desiring a cigarette, now I can see the feeling related to it, and remove that feeling. Writing has assisted me immensely, this whole sharing process has assisted me immensely, I was able to work through the point of wanting to be supported yesterday through talking it out with myself, and speaking and sharing it whenever I could. I am ABSOLUTELY grateful for everything that desteni offers. I would not be able to stop if it was not for the existence of desteni. I am experiencing energetics related to gratefulness towards desteni…like `choking` up and wanting to cry…I understand now Bella. She was trying to explain that to me before, and now experiencing it I now understand…simple.

Through writing and sharing I have been able to take on many points within mylife and share it , as well I have been able to push past points of feeling inferior to myself by sharing myself….shame and embarrassment are what I felt inferior within, and I have been able to share points where I have had shame and embarrassment, and moved through it, through writing and sharing. I really cannot express to the degree how much desteni has assisted me within looking at my life. I enjoy this immensely and have gotten rid of a lot of my fears within sharing myself…I remember now that being around people was one of my biggest fears, I feared now saying the `right` thing, not being liked, because of an idea of who I was, and within sharing myself I see that the idea was not real, and now I can socialize much easier, and I do not FEAR sharing myself…I wrote fear in capitals because that fear of my around other people was a large point that controlled my expression, and limited me greatly.

When writing and sharing I have been able to find out how to stop. I have been finding out so much about me…for instance the fear of being alone is a point that I have just written/spoken/shared about. Through writing about the point I was able to find many points that was not seeing previously. I could only see the main point which was that I was participating in my mind constantly….like the cigarette point where I would only see the fact that I wanted a cigarette. Through writing out being alone, I noticed that my body was completely tense, from fear. And when I would be around someone who I `knew` I would relax, my body would not be tense. Through writing this out I was able to see that I was fearing myself and my ability to support myself, and through noticing that fear I was able to notice my body being tense…I was not aware before I wrote that my body was tense.

Writing has assisted me to an Nth degree. From my experience from writing I would recommend that you write as well, and be honest to yourself, and do not fear sharing anything….that one thing that you do fear is where you will find another opening to yourself.

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