Recently

I have been applyign myself in breath when thoughts come up. Thoughts of not wanting to go to work or eating sugar etc, things that the mind desires. Those thoughts completely disappear once breath is applied, and it is quite enjoyable. The energy quickly fades and I stand here as breath. So I have been living by myself for 2 days applying breath as such and I notice that I am a lot more effective within it. I decided to be alone for a 21 days because I rarely breath when I am around other people. Even when working I place myself witihin my mind and rarely apply breath. I always think about what I have to do next and create a plan on how to do it and when to do it.

Within applying breath I noticed that I have been looking for some meaning in for exisiting as. And within stopping that desire and breathing I noticed that there is absolutely no meaning to life. I was looking for meaning within eating food, meaning within taste. I looked for meaning in friends in communicating withh other people. For other people to give me meaning by wanting me in their life. Looking for meaning within smoking, looking for a purpose to keep going. I looked at this and realized that all of this looking for meaning was pointless and was bringing me nowhere where I thought it would bring me= having some meaning. Life is truly meaning less, and within applying nto having emanign I stopped desiring a relationship, food, smoking, conversation, because itss purposeless within death. In reality it has no outcome that I have desired which is to provide me with meaning/purpose. So looking at it self-honestly looking for meaning is a lie and realizing that to look outwards for meaning is bullshit. to give myself meaning to live equally is purposeful because it changes the abuse within the world. So more living alone and applying breath and self-direction and self-effectiveness....Effectiveness,effection, affection. Self-affection.