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Starting Over


My body is telling me that I am not focusing here, In every moment. Especially with the point of food, that I am gorging myself to fill a fucking false void that I am uncomfortable with. I will fill that void with the physical. I gave up and will restart my entire being here. I experience constipation with regards to over eating. I am not focusing on what I am eating how I am eating or each moment of taste. I am starting over from here. Being here is where I will apply myself but this is all bullshit because I am resisting applying myself here and typing out what I have to. Enough of this bullshit of allowing myself to fall so easily and quickly within acting on my self interests of eating, for comfort of not having any support other than my breath. I fear Breath. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear existing in/as breath continually. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that breath is unstable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mistrust myself within/as acting through/as breath. So obviously I have to focus on what I am eating and how I am eating and what for. I will apply not eating for comfort but eating because I am hungry and only eating one serving when I am hungry per sitting. I will move myself within/as my resistances to what is best for all. This is another cycle point. I have been here before and the transcendence point will be actually applying myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about breath and not apply living with everything that is here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the past of believing myself to act a certain way. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying myself here in everymoment as breath. If I fall then I fall. If I fall than I will have to face the consequences. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to loath myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate how I am existing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself follow my inner voice. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to guide myself through thoughts. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be through thoughts. I I I I I I it’s all a lie. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the I of the mind, that I feel this way but it is a system which is not me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that walking this process is too tough for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on process. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up and apply myself here in every moment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying myself here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist writing through wanting to do something that supports myself interests. I will apply myself as breath around and in everymoment and everything. I fear attention being drawn to me or doing this out of the ordinary, like applying self forgiveness, or right now opening a can of pop in a library because One is not normally supposed to eat or drink in a library and that the sound will cause people to look at me, but that is not a truth of reality, that’s a fear of my own reality. Thats a fear of moving myself out of the ordinary. That is a fear of living for myself. that is a fear of removing myself from beliefs of how I should be in relation to society