Monday, October 18, 2010

About previous post

To expand on my personal interests

Amy was a girl that I met that I created a `more than` point within myself. And this point is created within me from wanting a soul mate, wanting someone to forever hold onto. This is deception at its worst. I am decieving myself firstly by believing that one person is more than another person. And decieving myself by wanting to hold onto someone forever. And within that message that is the connotation that I impied/created, that I am in need of her and I am desperate. Since that message we have not talked since. This is a point that I have been working on, but have not lived. I am looking for that `special` someone that will stand by and with me, mainly for the purpose to hold myself as my ego together. I have been looking for something more to attach myself to. I have created the perception of that `special someone` as `more` in my mind and am looking to connect myself to that, so that I feel completed. This happened as well with most of my past relationships, that I have created the starting point of wanting more then what is me and creating a perception point of a girlfriend as being that more than I am looking for. And within writing this I see that I am existing as less. I see that I am creating an inferiority point within myself and a superior point within a person that I am attracted to, so that I feel complete. This is bullshit and has got to go from and as me. No more inferiority complex hidden inside of me and I am letting it go. No more projected superiority complex onto other people that I would like to support me. Equality for all

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