More Writings

My experience Currently.


I was stable until I let myself look for attention. I look for attention because I want to be noticed for/as life. I want to be noticed for my personality. I want to be noticed so I can be judged on whether or not I am valued by other people. I want to be noticed so I can be judged on whether or not I am important. I want attention so I do not have to be alone. I fear being alone and living by myself with only myself to guide myself. The fear of being alone comes from not wanting to take responsibility for myself. I do not want to take responsibility because I have to work for life. I want things to be constantly given to me with no effort involved.

I think for comfort. I find comfort within thoughts, where I “know” myself and where I exist. I believe myself to know myself in my mind, I only know a pattern which I exist within. I do not know myself. I am not looking at the power behind the pattern. That is the real me. I know a pattern based on situations that I have programmed myself to act/exist within/as. It is not the real me, it is just a pattern the real I sits as/within the pattern allowing it to exist.

When I exist in discomfort I do not equal myself to all I am just focusing on myself and not looking at all.

When I react in frustration towards thoughts etc, it is because I am fearing not being able to stop them or to control them and I allow myself to create a form of dementia that revolves around frustration.



Support

I read Jack’s article on support, and tried to look within myself=what support? Support from other people to keep my emotions feelings stimulated and aswell to support my personality construct. I hang around with the people that I hang around with because of my personality. I support their personality and they support mine. They support the feelings, emotions, beliefs, perceptions of myself to keep my ego flowing in a continuous belief of how I am, and that How being the Definition of myself.

I have looked at this and realized that they cannot support me even within a Mind construct. They cannot influence me or support me directly. They do not hold out an emotional hand that is helping me stand or pulling me up. It is a belief that they are supporting me, it is a belief that their personality supports my personality. It is not real in any manner, not even within a MCS, because they are not putting themselves within me supporting me, it is me believing that they are supporting me, when it is really just me supporting me through believing myself to be a certain way and using my friends to support my belief. So I am actually uncertain of my belief of who I am. I do not stand stable within/as who I am as a personality, therefore I am not it, nor anything that derives from it. It is only supported by a belief. So looking for other people to support you is a lie, I am looking for a reason to define myself how I want to define myself as. And the reason is use is my judgment of myself based on how I act around other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to only act a certain way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support my belief of how I act.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to support my belief of how I act.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping my act

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop my ACTions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ACT from a belief of how I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Act from a starting point of how I want others to perceive me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to BE.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand Alone as ALLone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing being alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate as a personality for energy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself by defining myself as an addict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act upon self-interest

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to apply and live doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to define my movements as doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my movements as actions.