Monday, August 2, 2010

Today - Good and bad

I watched Jorn's perspective on Good and bad. His perspective allowed me to realize that I have been creating good and bad perceptions within every Action that I have been doing. I was limiting myself within the perception of good and bad, limiting myself within action, within conversation, within experiencing myself, within seeing clearly.

Within my process I perceived that supporting the mind was bad, so I reacted to every thought with the thought of no thats bad I must not participate within that, only allowing myself to become frustrated with thinking. I saw it as bad and rushed pass that point rather than looking at it and investigating it. I think "no I must not be bad and do only good for this world and myself. So within seeing this realization, I noticed that I was not smoking because I perceived using smoking to calm myself as bad, so each time I wanted a cigarette I would think "no, bad" and move past it not allowing myself to take the time and breath through it looking at the points that arose. Breathing through each point of good and bad and removing that perception at points allowed me to see honestly. It allowed to me actually take a stand within smoking, because I no longer saw it as bad, resisting it, I just looked at it and chose to not have a cigarette. This was after I had smoked 4 cigarettes. I wanted a smoke again, I allowed myself to breath and not resist smoking because of a bad perception, and I allowed myself to see clearly on what smoking would allow within myself as myself and took a stand. In the past I was resisting smoking thinking "I am good I will not allow this shit to exist" but that did not solve the problem only compounded it.

I haven't completely stopped within the polarity of good and bad, but I am seeing it easier now rather than thinking thats bad I will resist or that is good I will do that so I can be good, and just acting upon those impulses. It is a lot easier to stand when you do not resist. You just stand in that moment and look at every point that came up. I was not allowing myself to see these points because I defined myself as good allowing myself to blindly follow whatever I thought was good and resist everything that I thought was bad.

It will take time to remove the polarization and it will take patience to redefine myself within equality.

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