Saturday, July 31, 2010

2 Year Time Loop

The 2 Year Time Loop.
             This manifestation of reality if comepletely fucking interesting. Around 2 years ago I was working at the same job that I am currently working at. I quit that job within 2 months of working because I was kicked out of my house. I now have that job again only working Nights, and come October this house will be Sold to Another Family, So I must move out once again. Another interesting point is My previous post was around 2 years ago, and here I am again living the same moments over, Almost the exact same way.

I gave up my process last time through fear of being noticed/getting attention and being judged based on Desteni material. I also gave up my process for Self-interest of beign social=having friends, and most recently what brought me back to actually applying myself and investigating myself is no longer having a relationship. During those moments, if I look back, I gave up applyign myself and became my personality so I could abuse as much of Life I could to get as much Self-interest/Energy as possible. I "see" things differently now than I did then. I am applying breath more frequently to situations that I am involved in. I am noticing more where I am falling. I am investigating deeper, internally. I have been able to see much clearer what I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

The points that I have been neglecting to move through are letting others abuse me for support and abusing others for support. Not taking responsibility for allowing myself to become what I am within the Mind Consciousness System. Not taking responsibility for myself, and allowing myself to take responsibility for others. 

Right now I am doubting this. I believe that I have already covered these points within myself and I have to apply it within reality, therefore writing it here is "useless". The real point that I am missing is the fear of being noticed and sharing myself with the entire world on an easily accessible "place". Its is a fear of being judged for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, it is a fear of people "knowing" me. It is a fear of sharing myself through fear of judgement. So I will push myself through this point continue my posts and share myself with myself.

I will try and post my experiences Daily and I will start with today.

Waking up, I go through everything that I was breathing through the prior day. Right now it is getting over my ex-girlfriend that is a point of fear of being alone, want of support, and want of comfort. The next point is smoking, which I often fall within. Smoking stems from either comfort through releasing my stresses=backdoor, or through enjoyment. The enjoyment usually comes through after eating. I Have been waking up and breathing through wanting a cigarette to start my day with comfort, then eating and falling within enjoyment. Today I have had one cigarette because I realized that breathing is a lot more comforting, interestingly. I do not look for comfort externally=within a cigarette, but create it from within. The point of getting over wanting my previous girlfriend back is easier, I can breath through it place myself here, and remove my want of support from her, and apply responsibility for myself. Just noticing now that I am focusing more on wanting her back rather than wanting comfort, support, other people to take my responsibility for me=the god construct. Nonetheless I have been taking taking mroe responsibility for myself but I as well am noticing that I still hold want of support within the future. Within moving out I want someone to help me through this instead of taking it into my own hands. There are things that I need to figure out first like, how much money I will be "making", in regards to my possibilities of living arrangements.

Few things I have noticed while writing is that I will fall within Enjoyment more than comfort now so I Will work on Removing self-interest of enjoyment. I Will apply responsibility within every moment of life as breath and not look for others to solve my problems but to apply responsibility and breath through them, stopping my perceptions of not being able to handle Living.

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