A Perspective on Friendship

The Bullshit of Friends and Friendship

I got birthday greets from destonians and from friends that are in my direct reality. I find it disgusting what friendship actually is, as the comments are completely off.

The destonians say happy be-earth day, happy b-day, enjoy yourself etc, and my `friends` said “get hammed” and “want to get drunk and kill animals?” The latter of the friend quotes is a joke as the person knows me well enough to understand that I am completely against that, yet that statement nonetheless shows no support whatsoever and implies harm to life, whereas the destonian comments are supportive in the way that they do not suggest harm to life and suggest my enjoyment of myself. So What the fuck are friends good for is they are not supportive whatsoever.

This is unfortunate to realize because I have asked a question to myself and it is do I want these people in my reality? And I answered no. And I realize that is why I usually skate with one person, as my `friends` are people whom I skate with and the one person I skate with is not like this = he knows and understands that I do not drink so he does not ask me = he does not influence me in anyway to join him in drinking and he allows me to be me and allows him to be him.

This is a great perspective on support from destonians = how the group operates and how friends `support` one another.

This contrast in comments is great to see as I see that there only a select few people within my reality that are supportive, and shows me where each person stands within their application of themselves and now all I need to do is a weeding of my life.

A Smile, Sm(LIE)

I Smile When I meet strangers, I smile to place a perception of myself as positive, and accepting of the other. I am dishonest to myself in this moment. I am not happt to meet the other person, I want to seem like I am. so I lie to myself with a smile. I lie to myself by smiling making myself believe that I am positive within that moment. I make myself believe that I am positive, so I put on a lie of myself as a smile.

When I meet someone I usually start with a smile and a hello, greeting them and putting off an expression of acceptance of them, where in I am mostly judging or comparing myself to them. I smile at strangers so that I see myself as positive and accepting of them which is not the reality of me. The reality is that I am subjective of who I allow within my reality, and that I will not simply accept anyone, so I lie to myself with a smile.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself by smiling at people, making myself believe that I am a positive being.

Many people do this. I notice at work whenever co-workers meet we will smile and say hello, each and every time, this happens thousands of times. Happiness and a smile are usually lies to ourselves. Rarely have I ever been genuinely happy. I mostly use a smile and happiness within energetics to place myself within the positive polarity to make myself happy and forget that this world is dying and I am responsible for it. I smile to show acceptance, yet it is all a lie, it is a want of acceptance from myself to myself. That I desire to accept myself through another's opinion of myself through a smile back.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require anothers opinion of myself to stand on.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand for myself in each moment.
I forgivemyself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as myself free from opinion and judgment of myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to simply stand for/by myself.

As well this happens within a friendship. Most friendships are started this way which is through a smile and a positive greeting etc. Therefore all friendships are deceptive in nature. Therefore all friendships are dishonest. When in a friendship I will follow along with all others. I will place myself as one as a group, not one within a group. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as myself within a group.

My friendships have always started with a polarity as a smile. I then allow myself to believe that I will be happy being around this person...which is definately not true in anyway, and is only deceptive unto myself. We all search and give off that shit. Within and as a lie as a smile.