Self-Interest as Self-Sabotage

I have been quite self interested throughout my life to the extent where my self interest lead to me manifesting a consequence that is diabetes. My self interest does not help me become life, it only allows me to suppress myself as life. For example when I was at home I would go through points where I would sit down and watch shows endlessly and eat candy throughout that time which is not what is best for me as a human body and certainly not best for me as a diabetic. So I had to ask myself why I was doing this and find out the origin point. A point that I found is that it is for my pursuit of happiness where I associated entertaining myself with happiness and sugar with happiness throughout my childhood. It is not beneficial for myself to have self-interest whatsoever as that is relevant through my actions and consequence within and as self-interest. What I have also found within investigating myself is that I truly do not enjoy the experience of myself in/as self-interest because it ends up as regret, shame, and guilt. It does not feel good knowing that I allowed myself to eat a great amount of candy and become lazy, and that is what I have defined as happiness. But that is not true happiness. What I have found within myself is that what makes me happy is educating myself, writing myself out, getting done my assignments, because as I am participating in/as self-interest I am attempting to find happiness outside of myself, where when I actually get my assignments done or work on them to a point where I am satisfied I become `happy` in regards to trusting myself to manage myself and make myself more effective within/as the system.

So self-interest is not self-interest but self-sabotage and be wary of self-interest because it is the worst thing that one is able to do to themselves, because all responsibility is given up when self-interest is participated in and if participated in within a pattern the responsibilities build up and up and then one is overcome with guilt, shame and regret then participate in the opposite where all the actions are manipulated within/as the shame and regret instead of being a starting point of a realization of what one has done and act to stop participating in it, because if it is within the energetic polarity then the actions of self-interest are able to repeat. This is where self-forgiveness comes in because if one does not forgive self for in fact sabotaging self no responsibility is taken for the point and if anything only avoidance is acted upon and then the pattern is able to repeat itself. Forgiving self is how one is able to transcend self in fact, because it was me in fact that was allowing myself to and still participate in self-interest.

What I have found that helps is removing the point of happiness and the energetical stimulation that is connected to the word happiness. So as one speaks the word happiness points come up in self that happiness is connected to, then self forgiveness is applied to the pictures, thoughts, images to what self has connected to happiness then one is able to find out what one in fact truly enjoys. What is best for me is removing self-interest and ego in that manner in order to find out what I truly enjoy and it does not need to be within a certain limitation meaning I can go to school for any subject because I simply enjoy learning where if I were to go to school within what I like or want within a educational program my options are limited between what I have told myself I like, which has not been real in my participation of it thus I don’t trust that my wants or likes in terms of choosing a school program is going to be helpful for me.

Remove self-interest remove your ego in which you have been programmed into believing that you like something. Focus on what one is able to do in this reality in order to make self’s life better and life better for all. No other starting point is valid in equality and oneness, all other options are self-interest. Join Desteni to learn more