Reality Check

I started looking at my life from a top down perspective. I do this so I can understand the whole of myself and where and how I stand. As well the equality equation works effectively for myself this way. I proved this to myself by looking at the belief of myself making someone smile as valuable and me being a presence in someones life with a smile is valuable by looking at that in the total equation of life…I almost vomited. That belief is completely disgusting. I am glad that I have been able to use that. I have been able to see myself only directing my reality which is cool. I was applying for a job and looking at that situation entirely and directing that effectively by looking at myself in the exact moment from a top down view.  It is looking at myself from the sky and being able to pull myself back from my mind and look at the physical existence and any belief or idea that I have of something, and see if it is valid. Money is not valid within the entirety of the world but valid within my world so while looking for a job I just looked at myself. This is subject to knowledge and information. So for example when looking at myself in the belief of being good for smiling, I placed the knowledge and information of beings dying of starvation within the world and looked at the affect of this. It was disgusting because the only thing I affected was the person in my direct reality, and to believe that I am doing something good for making a fucking person who does not starve SMILE!???, That is a mad belief. I have been mad/insane/crazy/nuts. So I am now looking at myself in entirety, based on knowledge and information and memory…so this is not really the most effective way but it helps as I stop only focusing on myself. It is a reality check for myself. That how is this within reality. It is useful.