Resonant Symbols and Ideas of Self-Creation

Mar 21st 2010 8:49pm


Procrastination has lead me to this point, where everything comes together in one large moment and I rush to get through Everything. Right Now I am taking on the points of No Videos games, No Tv for Entertainment, No skateboarding videos, no looking a myself within a reflection, Stopping looking at numbers for meaning. I am physically Getting my passport Re-newed I am switching Locations of Work so that I may make more Money I am not wanting to write. I am looking to indulge. Looking to Eat peanut Butter and Jam, Looking to smoke All of this imagery which is not Real. All of these Resonant Symbols.

I was debating whether or not to buy a Pack of cigarettes and I looked at the consequence of doing this which would lead me back into smoking again, And I chose to say No to buying a Pack because simply I do not want to keep on smoking as It limits me.

I am at the point where I create `psychosis` I am right now not doing anything and I started to listen to music and A feeling came rushing within me of the music being `beautiful` . I remember allowing myself to go into this feeling and create many manifestations within myself- creates many ideas about what was going on and I followed the most `beautiful` Idea which was that I was special/significant/important to some degree and in some way.

I allowed myself to continue those Beliefs - I remember that I sat for hours listening to one song looking for the maning in it – Never finding that meaning. I was blinded by the search and belief that there was meaning. Never Questioning it and when I did I simply allowed it to continue on because I enjoyed the game. (Side note the meaning has become physically manifested – Typos = Maning as I left it above and When I typed anything I typed Anuthing and looked for meaning within that) And them I became addicted to that game and Search and creation within those ideas and beliefs in which I then created myself as. Like Inception where they go deep into the `subconscious` and created their entire world and he created an idea there and then it affected her in reality. And In reality if you do that not only the idea would show on the surface but everything else created.

Simply All of those beliefs and ideas I created there was for a good feeling, was for a belief of myself being special etc, and simply those beliefs and ideas of myself are not real, real is here, and the consequence now is that I must remove all of those beliefs that I have created myself as.